Tuesday, February 26, 2008

“If elected President, my first order of business will be to do away with the prefix anti-. Because to me, in order to think positively, you have to surround yourself with the trappings of positivityness, in all of its forms. And to surround yourself with the trappings of positivityness — to immerse yourself in its warmth, to feel its reassurance along the finer hairs of your thighs, to really live it like a bomb, as my dear friends the Def Leppard might say — you have first to remove the tattered remains of negativityness that plague Hope’s interstate like so many moldering, bloodcaked possum carcasses.

“– And before anyone raises any objections, do know that ‘antiperspirant’ will of course be exempt from the prefix ban. I mean, I may be an idealist, but I ain’t some kind of crazy man.” — Barack Obama, address to the MLA convention, Chicago, Dec 28.

Monday, February 25, 2008

UFOs and Global Warming

UFOs and Global Warming Oh no. The threat is greater than we thought.

One of the first questions that the brainwashed public and environmentalists are going to ask is so what if UFOs are real and aliens exist, I don’t see how it’s affecting me, our society and especially the environment? To ask such a question in the first place is a sad commentary on the present dire situation of widespread global warming and degradation due to the widespread use of fossil fuels. While world peace activists are beginning to realize that world peace would destroy much of the arms industry the environmental activists still have their collective heads in the sand.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Opinion: Obama the Muzak Messiahof the pseudo-revolution | obama, barack, america, new, first - OCRegister.com

Obama: the Muzak Messiah of the pseudo-revolution Mark Steyn on the strange reaction to Obama, even among his supporters.

"Around the world, a second instant subgenre has sprung up in which commentators speculate how long it will be before some deranged Christian-fundamentalist neo-Nazi gun-nut deprives America of its fleeting wisp of glory. Setting a new standard for fevered, slavering Obama assassination porn, Earl MacRae warned Canadians in The Ottawa Sun:

"To be black and catapulting toward the presidency on charm, intellect and popularity is unacceptable to the racist paranoid and scary in America the beautiful. … They do not want to hear that he is a better American than they are, these right-wing extremist fascists in the land of America who no doubt believe it's God's will Barack Obama not get to the White House, no method of deterrence out of bounds, in their zealotry to protect and perpetuate Roy Rogers, John Wayne, Mom's apple pie and the cross of Jesus in every home."

By this point, Mr. MacRae wasn't so much warming to his theme as typing up his first draft for Miramax:

"Barack Obama is waving his arms. The crowd is cheering. … I see Barack Obama, one minute smiling, the people crying his name. I see Barack Obama grab his chest and his eyes widen and his mouth opens, and the crowd screams as Barack Obama, black candidate for the presidency of the United States of America, falls to the ground, dead, an assassin's bullet inside him."

Er, OK.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

William M. Briggs, Statistician � Zombie attacks might increase due to global warming, study shows

William M. Briggs, Statistician � Zombie attacks might increase due to global warming, study shows Uh oh. Now maybe Bush will do something about global warming.

A new study by scientists has suggested that zombie attacks might increase if the current projections of global warming are realized. “If the earth gets warmer, it means longer springs, summers, and falls, and shorter winters,” said John Carpenter-Romero, Ph.D., a zombie-ologist who co-authored the study. “And shorter winters means more time for the undead to prey on the populace.”